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For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit. Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends. If you repeatedly missed appointments or broke plans with loved ones, don’t simply apologize.

Call us or fill out our online contact form today to get started. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive.

One thought on “Making Amends to Ourselves — a Path to Self Forgiveness”

If you were a bad friend while you were addicted, make a conscious effort to rebuild those relationships by being the best friend you can be. Have open and honest conversations about the relationship and where it can use improvement and stay committed to those changes. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope.

This may not make a lot of sense psychologically speaking, but it’s helped me live my life the past 2+ years without wallowing in regret/guilt and I think that ‘s something to be thankful for. Notice the words “right to resentment” living amends and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning right to resentment . Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing.

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When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again. When you make a real effort to change your past behaviors, you need to make the initial move in repairing broken relationships. These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps.

  • This person should have already worked on step nine, so they understand what it takes and can help guide you through it.
  • Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.
  • In the Ninth Step, we will focus on the spiritual principles of humility,forgiveness and love.
  • Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where living amends come into play.
  • Be honest and outline the steps to be taken for demonstrating that behavior is changing.
  • Living amends, which involve living out a new behavior and committing to not making the same mistakes in the future.

Our self respect builds and becomes love of self and we are able to show others that we have changed, and it is per cicely these changes that enable us to make amends. One of the promises is, “we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.” When we are newly sober this promise may seem the most extravagant of them all. Our past is defined by problems, poor choices, misbehavior, and pain. The magic that makes this possible exists in self forgiveness. And self forgiveness begins with making amends to ourselves. It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me.

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If you or a loved one left behind a trail of strained relationships due to substance abuse related issues, here is a guide to help you through the process. Direct amends involves meeting the individual in person to correct your wrongdoings. Your goal is to show you reflected on your mistakes, are truly sorry for the pain caused, and are ready to translate words into actions. Avoid general statements like, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.” Be specific with your apology and include concrete plans to restore the relationship.

What does living your amends mean?

To make amends, you must do more than just make apologies for your past behavior. Instead, making amends means you apologize for what you've done and make it right. Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way you live and remain committed to that lifestyle.

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